Holding in some feedback - how's that going?
Giving feedback to your executive team is a stretchy but essential part of being a CEO.
I spent the majority of October in North America, mostly in Quebec and a quick stop over to NYC to run an executive team offsite and host an AfterHours dinner, that may or may not have pushed me to finally write this post as I have seen this happen across almost all my clients over the past 7 years.
As we close into December I’m starting to see the signals of the EOY trap where we try to get everything done before the holidays with a manic intensity. We’re all burned out and we decide to use our last stores of energy by running on pure adrenaline and mulled wine. I have to remind myself that’s it an artificial cliff and that January is JUST the start of another month.
It’s also feedback season, as we get closer to the end of the year and start reflecting on what we set out to do, realising what we are not going to get done, some of us might feel a bit frustrated when we see where the chips have fallen and want to share that frustration with our direct reports, letting them know that next year has to be different.
Yet - all the feedback that we should have been giving throughout the year now gets mushed into one ugly and disempowering end of year conversation, where resilience is at its lowest. This moment is not effective and not helpful, and rarely does it actually achieve your aim, so as a leader, please commit to yourself that next year HAS to be different.
As someone who spends the majority of their time helping leaders recognize and drive change and transformation, there is always going to be an element of behaviour / cultural change.
Behaviours that got us here, won’t take us there.
In most cases, thankfully, the CEO or team leader realises that they also need to be part of the change and in order to make the required shifts they must ensure their C-suite is onboard. Great. But then when things don’t change, they get frustrated and non-constructive leadership styles step in. Instead of the CEO sharing how their “lack” of shifting is perceived, they bottle it up and hope it will change with time or go just ‘go’ away (or hope that I’ll tell them).
But it doesn’t going away and your perception and therefore frustration only grows.
Please give feedback to your executive teams.
Here’s how this plays out. In the team meetings, all is good, maybe a bit tense when things aren’t going to plan but we move through. CEO slips in some passive agressive comment, the person it’s directed to doesn’t catch it, and the person it is def NOT directed to, takes it personally.
Then the CEO starts having side conversations about said person with other members of the team, checking if they are the only ones that are “seeing” it. Then other people start to “see it” except for the person who is doing it. This always ends really really well.
I honestly am at a point where I am struggling to empathise with leaders that avoid leaning into (I’m not even going to say “difficult”) conversations where they are meant to help their team member raise their awareness on how they are performing.
The longer you wait, the worse it will get.
The OverTime Leader team did some research throughout the year and discovered that the majority of those at a Director / VP level rarely, if ever, have conversations with their manager (C-suite) on the future of growth of their career or any formal performance conversations. Unsurprisingly most of them do not receive regular feedback on how they are doing.
When I dig into what’s holding my C-level clients back from delivering these essential messages, they rationalise their avoidance in service of protecting the individual (i.e. They have a lot on right now, it’s not a good time, the wind was blowing towards them, the setting wasn’t right, there wasn’t a good opening to start the dialogue)
Don’t tell me it’s about protecting them, it’s about protecting you from an uncomfortable moment.
Let’s just be real and build from there. Then we can start to move forward.
Listen, I get it. These conversations aren’t fun. People are unpredictable but I assure that 99% of the time the worst case you’re building in your head is unlikely going to happen but will 99% happen if you avoid it and your frustration builds.
Come in to these conversation as adult to adult (which you both are) and lead with a question. For example:
“I’ve noticed you’ve spent a lot of time of this, how are other projects getting your attention?”
“I’ve noticed every time we speak about this topic you are very negative which sucks the energy out of the room, I don’t think this is intentional so would love to know what it’s about?”
“I appreciate you like to work on things until they are good enough to share, but I think our definitions of ‘good-enough’ might be different and I’d personally love to see some of your work in draft mode as I loose visibility on where you’re going with it. How could we make this work?”
Turn it into a conversation over a “moment” of feedback or potential confrontation. What ever you do, please make it regular.
Here’s why:
When someone doesn’t know where they stand they can spend worthless time wondering what they have done wrong.*
Most of us have low-self awareness and have no clue that their behaviours / actions are negatively impacting others and inadvertently hindering their development.*
Unaddressed feedback will ALWAYS end up coming out. The longer it goes unsaid, the louder and unhelpful it will show up.*
Worst thing you can do as a leader is find passive agressive ways to hope someone gets a message (even worse…hire a coach for them to hope they help them see it)*
*I said it because I’ve seen it.
If you role model this behaviour as a CEO you will actually create a REAL feedback culture (so you don’t have to hire me in to make one).
Why 1:1s aren’t going to move the needle.
I won’t stop you from you setting up regular 1:1s with your executive direct reports but I will assure you these will constantly get moved and hardly happen.
When they do, you’ll likely default to talking about the work or have a walk and casual talk cause you’re both a bit stretched, and this feels much better than having a potentially uncomfortable conversation around how they poorly handled a board meeting a few weeks ago and that’s why they won’t be coming to the next one, but you haven’t told them that yet and you’re hoping they will figure it out when it’s not in the diary or maybe your EA can let them know*…..
Feedback then, is something I suggest you do on a regular basis and not something you save for these meetings that you can’t count on.
Stop the guessing game.
I’ve been in the shoes of an overthinking leader where my manager’s feedback was consistently “you’re doing great” but then he’d always cancel our 1:1s, cut my budget, and send me passive agressive signals. I wasted A LOT of time working through potential scenarios that didn’t actually exist trying to read between the lines.
Since that moment, I’ve made a commitment to anyone that works for me that they will never have to spend a second wondering where they stand or if they are doing a good job. I hold myself accountable to own this.
When the work is good, they know it, even small stuff. I celebrate as much as I can to reinforce that I am in their corner and want them to succeed.
When the work isn’t good, or my expectations haven’t been met, I try to let them know asap. This starts with face to face calls but over time when the rapport is built it moves to slack for immediate feedback with a follow-up call for context and alignment. Before I have this chat I ALWAYS first check where I might be responsible for the gap in expectation and lead the conversation with that.
Here are some of my rules on balancing feedback:
Rewarding feedback: do often and always. It’s easy to hear this but reflect on how often you actually do it. It takes effort. I had one client who had a more critical view of the world take 30 mins a week to list out all the great stuff his team has done and let them know. Try for 80%+ rewarding and that ensures them you are in their professional corner. Remember radical candor? Th ideal quadrant is a combo of clarity + empathy. Doing this proves you have empathy. Trust me. And EVEN if it’s their job, an appreciative “i see you” can go a long way and literately act as engine fuel. It costs you NOTHING and it has a huge ROI.
Reprimanding feedback: Unless you have build a strong psych safety team (note this does not mean you’re good friends, in fact that is worse) start by taking a more considerate approach (think of environment, time of day, timing) to ensure what you want to land does, and if they want to talk it out, you have the space to do so. Start first with a reflection around the situation at hand (i.e. how did you think it went) to assess their level of awareness in this situation. If awareness is low, your role is to highlight the impact of their behaviours. If awareness is high (i.e. they are already beating themselves up about it) then work with them on a move forward plan to avoid repeating the situation.
Commit to yourself to reduce any surprises.
I could go on, but I think that gets my one message for this post across. Give your teams feedback, no matter their age, experience, role, if you feel it, give it.
If you’d like me to dig deeper on any of this, drop a comment or a DM (if sensitive) and I’ll do my best to help you out.
You got this.
G